Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
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God heals and the doctor takes the fee. - Benjamin Franklin
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Why, Madam, do you know there are upward of thirty yards of bowels squeezed underneath that girdle of your daughter's? Go home and cut it; let Nature have fair play, and you will have no need of my advice. - John Abernethy
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After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - W. C. Fields
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First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
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My doctor is wonderful. Once, in 1955, when I couldn’t afford an operation, he touched up the X-rays. - Joey Bishop
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Medicine, the only profession that labors incessantly to destroy the reason for its existence. - James Bryce
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The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
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Comforts and syphilis are the greatest enemies of mankind. - Alexis Carrel
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One finger in the throat and one in the rectum makes a good diagnostician. - William Osler
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The examining physician often hesitates to make the necessary examination because it involves soiling the finger. - William James Mayo
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I don't believe medical discoveries are doing much to advance human life. As fast as we create ways to extend it, we are inventing ways to shorten it. - Dr. Christiaan Barnard
